Baby stuff, emotions and more

This blog is going to be kind of jumbled. I am just going to write how I feel right now because I need to vent. 

I have been keeping myself busy by working on the baby's room. Clothes have been washed, folded and sorted. Blankets have been washed and folded. Baby's crib is all put together with the Winnie the Pooh bedding in it. There is still some sorting to do in the room but I can't do much else until baby has a dresser. 

Nicole was here for almost a week. We enjoyed our time together but now that she is gone I am feeling extremely lonely. I wish that I could go back up to NY until Tom was ready to come home. I wish that we could move back home for good but that isn't going to happen. We have no idea what is going to happen when Tom gets back from overseas. We could be moving or we could be staying. It's so frustrating. 

I have been waiting for that one good cry to happen. As I write this it will probably happen. I didn't cry when I left my parents or when Nicole left but I can feel it building up. I hate this feeling. I hate knowing that my family and Tom's family are going to miss out on a lot of the baby's life, or at least it's first few years. I hate being this far away from my best friends who are there for me no matter what is going on. I hate setting up a baby room by myself. This was something that I imagined my mom and my sister being there to help me with. I was supposed to be around my family and friends so that they could see my belly growing, not have them rely on pictures. My husband was supposed to be here with me. 

This wasn't how I pictured my life. Don't get me wrong, I know that God has a plan for us and that His plan is the best plan for us but right now I'm not liking this plan. Right now I'm not liking the fact that I am a military wife and that I don't have a normal marriage. I know there are others that have it worse than me but it still stinks. Do you know that out of the 38 months Tom and I have known/been with each other we have physically been with each other for only 11 months? I'm ready to have him home with me for longer than 7 months at a time. I want to know what a real marriage is like. I want to celebrate our anniversary together. 

Okay that's enough from me. I feel a little better. Now if I could just be with my family and my husband I would feel a lot better. Please continue to keep us all in your prayers.